Back and Better Than the Old Me

I'm back.

I was starting to lose hope that I would recover my desire to run after a hectic 3/4 week layoff. Law school orientation was hectic (to put it very mildly), followed by a bout of a stomach flu and family issues/events. There's certainly good news and bad news, so let's start with the bad:

1) Law school is unreal. 

2) Law school takes up a lot of time

3) I have since lost about a minute on my average pace.

Law school aside (as there's nothing to be done but simply survive), the lay off has certainly affected my average pace. I wanted to be closer to 10:00. Now I'll be closer to 11:00. It's still under the 16:00 pace requirement, but I could've been so much better. I can't make it up by the 29th, but I can make strides (ha!) by November's HM in Melbourne (yes, I am choosing to do a HM as my birthday gift... weird, right?). 

Now the good news:

1) HITO IS DOING AWESOME!

2) New sneakers could be in my future!

3) My injuries have subsided!

First, my Hito is doing AWESOME. We had the MRI- it came back CLEAN! The genetics test came back clean too! Not only that, but he's been standing on his own and walking with assistance. I cried when I saw him stand on his own the first time, I have to admit. We most likely will have additional (and still unpleasant) testing this year, but the bad, bad stuff has been mostly ruled out. I cannot express my gratitude to God and my family for this- it is a blessing indeed. I now run with much less tears. 

2) My treads are going. After doing the 10m race, I'm hoping that I can convince Fireman for new sneakers from the fancy running store. Wide, please, as my feet are still big from pregnancy (and didn't get smaller like the rest of me did). What brand? I have held to Asics mostly, but Newtons? No, they're too pro for me...

3) Not running was pretty awesome for my legs. My IT band recovered that when I ran this weekend (5), the pain didn't kick in like usual and still hasn't. My shin splints are a little there, but no where near what they were. I did 3.15 last night without any major issue today other than the need to stretch my calves. 

So, I'm back. I ran mostly without headphones- I'm glad I preserved that ability during my sabbatical. I now run through law school stuff in my head (like conveyances and case briefs). It helps in a weird way. I really need to turn my attention to property (relations among co-tenants), so I will end here. Just wanted to note I'm back and I'm motivated. 

Until the next run. 

Life, Liberty, and The Use of An Inhaler

Inhalers baffle me.

I don't think I use mine properly. I do what I'm supposed to do, but I feel like I'm just getting that puff into my cheeks and not where it should be... say, my lungs. I don't like being fettered to it either. I feel... debilitated when I have it with me. I never expected to get it- after all, I was an athlete's athlete when I was younger. Then my pregnancy wipes me clear off the map and I utterly flunk that breathing test blow-out-the-candles game at the doctor back in March. Close to 100 is the goal? I made it to 62 as my "high score" out of a few tries. Not good at all. Now I have my little buddy who tags along to all my endurance exercises, like track repeats, HIIT fun, and swimming. Sigh.

I think the important thing to write about is Hito's big neuro appointment this week. They had a cancellation and got us in almost a week ahead of schedule. I'm not a big fan of doctors (but I have the utmost respect for them). They tend to be cocky and not very patient (like the one who told Fireman and me, "since you didn't go to medical school..."). This guy was completely different- he sat, listened, and was empathetic to our concerns. Hito perfomed well- he showed good fine motor skills and very good cognitive abilities. Where did he flunk? Yes, you guessed it! Gross motor. Now it's not a guessing game anymore- he's definitely hypotonic and on the low end of that (and as a result, he has delayed reflexes). Based on everything, the neuro said he was pretty confident it wouldn't be life-threatening or progressive. I was relieved to hear this (since I had been crying over these dark fears for some time), but I wasn't as relieved as I thought I would be. I guess I had been hoping he'd laugh at us for being there because there wasn't really a problem, that we were being "paranoid first-time parents." Alas, we are not paranoid and he is concerned, so we're waiting to have an MRI and blood work done in a few weeks. I hate seeing Hito get worked on like a car. I hate it. Hate is a strong word, caustic almost, but in this case, it fully defines and clarifies how I feel about Hito going through this. They have to apparently sedate him and I'm not happy about that in any way, especially since I can't tolerate stuff like that for me. (Case in point: When I had my appendix burst in 2008, after surgery, I refused pain meds. I couldn't handle how they felt). At this point, I want the tests to come back saying, "hey, this kid's gonna be ok." Benign Congenital Hypotnia? Sounds good to me. I just want to know he's going to be ok to grow up and out run me. 

I ran Fartleks that night. I guess you can tell how frustrated I was that I actually voluntarily ran Fartleks. Ok, so they were the 100 stride version, but it was tough nonetheless. I ran them, I ran them hard, and my right calf was screaming as I finished the last one. I immediately put them straight up after and I swear I could feel the blood ripping through my calf. Fireman won't diagnose me (and legally can't since he's a paramedic, but I believe in him!), but I'm thinking it's either shin-splints (can you get those on the side in one spot?) or a muscle pull. Or maybe a stress fracture, but I'm ruling the last one out because after not doing any XT or weights, it was way better today even after doing a track workout.

The run before the neuro appointment was really good too. Not only did I manage to run in the A.M. (because I'm usually too lazy... like today when I got up at 11:30A), but I rain almost 5k under 30:00 (or maybe I did hit it... I can't trust my watch sometime). Either way, it was a great run (with music), and I felt powerful and ready to take on that neuro visit. The recurring song was "Reborn" by Rebecca St. James*. I don't know why, but that song really was good for that moment. Madonna did help a bit too.

Today we had PT for Hito and he took 2 steps assisted by the therapy table! I swear, we are making progress regardless of what the docs and therapists are saying. I know my son will amaze everyone and I know our constant attention to his movements and therapy have to be effective. It's also nice to know that our insurance is actually going to re-process the really big claim for the therapy, since that was a big number on that bill that I knew didn't make sense. Kids are expensive. Really.

Today Fireman and I also did our "track date" repeat together. He does his crazy 440's routine, and I did my 5x800's (per FIRST). I didn't have my band on, so I was forced to use my phone (very inaccurate). Not having a watch is not good for me- I am not accountable to meeting my "time obligations" if I don't know where I am at 200m, 400m, and 600m. I was supposed to be about 4:50 and ended up being closer to 5:30 for 3/5 because "it felt like I was going hard." Fireman gave me his watch and lo and behold- I stuck to my times better (but not by much). Granted, the heat index was 99*F (and this was partly sunny at like 6p. Gotta love Florida). However, I didn't take walk breaks during the repeats (only during the RI) and I think that what's going to make a difference in my long run this weekend and my tempo runs next week.

7.5 this weekend. My dad and I have been talking about it all week. Very excited, especially since I found a decent 2x8oz fuel belt for $15 at Marshalls. I know it's love/hate with those, but hey, it's good for my budget since Hito takes up most of it. Speaking of budgets, we should be well under my "birthday budget" for my road bike. The fitting went really well- sometimes you do need to talk to a pro and not just people on internet forums. I'm excited to add road cycling to my XT (because spinning gets boring after a while).

I've stayed up late again... sigh. Hito and Fireman are in bed, but it's too hot to sleep since our A/C is slowly dying. With two fans and a ceiling fan, it's noisy in our room! I need to get to sleep though, because we have an early drive to the coast to see my folks since Fireman is on shift tomorrow. It's my last weekend of freedom because orientation for law school starts Monday A.M...

Until Saturday's long, long run.

*If you guessed correctly about the song, yes, it's Christian music that I was rocking out to, as I'm Catholic. No, this is not a way to preach the Gospel- I should be able to do that without words (if I'm good). St. Francis was a pretty smart guy, no? 

Attitude of Gratitude

25 hours a day, 8 days a week. That's about as often as I strive to have an "attitude of gratitude."

So to begin with, I'm very appreciative of the fine folks who have left a nice word on this blog, especially since I don't have too many friends in real life who understand what running means to me. So... thanks :)

This weekend's mileage was pretty short- 3 miles according to my running plan. I did 3.2 for good measure and actually was impressed. To start with, my Magic Mile was way slower this time- 10:37 compared to 10:01 two weeks ago. However, the overall 5k time was 30 seconds faster. Why? Well, in my mind, it's because I didn't totally front load my first mile and destroy the last 2. Instead, I was more even-keel and after a few minutes warm up, I kept to a steady 1:30/15 second r/w ratio. I also didn't have to use the inhaler, so that was pretty sweet. It was So. Dangum. Hot. I know it's hot in Florida, but c'mon... 90*F at 10P?! I didn't feel great running, but I still surprised myself with my success.

This week is a week I've been looking forward to and dreading. It's the last week before I start -gasp- law school as an old lady IL. It's also the first week I hit big mileage- 7.5! (ok, feel free to laugh at how small that actually is). I'm running with my Dad again and today, I picked up some fuelly things for the run since we're getting beyond that 75 minute threshold of not having hydration/water. The one time I've used fuel before, it was GU and I threw it right back up (which really impressed my date who was running the race with me... not). So, we're trying some GEL, some energy chews, and energy jelly beans and see how those go. Also, to step into the forray of hydration belts, I currently use a basic Nathan for my inhaler which I like, but I tried on an Amphipod at Fleet Feet Orlando (I think I like them there) and it felt ok. Can't seem to find it online, so here's to supporting small business :) My dad wants to use the handheld and I cannot do that, so belt it is. Plus, that little inhaler buddy of mine needs to be comfy too.

Hito is making progress I want to believe. My dad's friend gave us an informal review of his issues and wasn't too supportive of the idea that it was just a little hypotonia. He was very serious about us getting the whole blood work and  biospy ASAP. I cried really hard on Saturday night, and ended up giving up my run because I wanted to hold Hito instead. I held him and kissed him and snuggled him and it was good for the soul. We don't know how long we're on this rock, but for every second I have with Hito, I am going to love him the best I can. Running helps me keep my tears and sorrow under control, so I really run for him.

He's doing exercises with Fireman right now and doing a great job. We even took some steps this weekend with support! I cannot think that there's a serious issue when we seem to make strides in the right direction. Tomorrow we have the big neurologist appointment, so I'm on eggshells until then. Tomorrow's run will be very hard. 

I also got to see CJ this weekend, with her broken neck and all. She's in good spirits, and I'm very grateful for that. I did her hair (and did a pretty sour job), but we had a good time gossiping about people from high school (which really never gets old, right?). I'm hoping that this will be the big impetus for her to turn her life around, to stop finding herself in these bad situations, and maybe make some positive changes. I used to joke with her that you can lead a horse to water, but you can't push it in and drown it. I just need her to get better, for her babies' sake most of all.

Today is an XT. Weights and hopefully some swimming. I did pick up The Grid from FFO and o.m.g. is it great for my back. Don't get me wrong, the pvc is amazing for my legs, but the foam on the grid is great for my back. Life-changing one might say. Speaking of FFO, the guy I spoke with thinks that my Asics 2160 might be too much stability for me and that may be causing the big flare ups in my IT bands (which didn't start until recently). That's what I get for trying to buy shoes on sale instead of shoes that are meant for me. I'll upgrade, but when I earn it. Plus, with the bike fitting, I need to save some $. Who knew this could cost so much? 

Tomorrow is a tempo day and Thursday is track again. I think my friend from Tally may join Fireman and me, especially since he also went to the same high school and apparently was friends with Fireman back then. I'm still up in the air about doing 8x400 or 6x600... 

Did I mention I'm excited for 7 this weekend? I am. I am! I'm going to roll, and maybe use ice baths for fun! Oh, what a strange person to be when grueling long runs are the excitement. 

Until the next run. 

P.S. I have a twitter for running? SaltWaterRunner. Dad, please check it out (since you read this I think). 

Oh Look. Another Post.

What a couple of days. 

Gosh.

I guess to begin... I'm glad I'm writing again. I think this 'blog' is more for me to vent about running since I don't have many friends who run. I have my dad who is the greatest and since I started really running again, we've chatted more than ever. We probably talk almost every day about our runs and gear and goals, but it's even more fun since I got him into the Nike+ dealio and we 'compete' with each other. Next week is the big 7 miles, so we're preparing for that.

Now, onto the other news. 

It was a tough week for Hito (my son, the affectionate nickname that results from the bastardization of 'hijo' in Spanish since I'm Mexican). We had PT and I thought we were making progress when the in-home PT came. However, at the clinic PT, that therapist mentioned it could be 2013 before Hito walks.

Are you f'ing kidding me?!

I pressed her for more answers (fully aware she's not an M.D.), but all she had was "it could be a cellular/muscular thing, like with mitochondria." She referred to a Rays baseball player who apparently has hypotonia due to something like this, but that it's something one can live with. She mentioned seeing a neurologist and so I called the pediatrician on the way home asking for a referal. All the while, Hito was laughing in the back. We made it to the front door before I started sobbing. 

2013? He'll be close to 2. He should be running and skinning his knee then, not having people avoid him until he "gets better" (as one of the other firefighters put it why his son can't play with mine). And now we have to see a neurologist? We were assured months ago it wouldn't come to that, that this was a simple delay. Now it's.... just more complicated. I'm back in the E.R. with Hito when he's 6 weeks old and watching helplessly as they try 5, 6, 7 times to get an I.V. in his little body. I'm helpless all over again. 

So I ran. 

This week, I started incorporating FIRST workouts into my routine, since I'm trying to get the most "bang for my buck" out of the current Galloway program I'm using for my race. On Tuesday, Fireman (my husband) and I went to his high school track and ran 400's. I did 8x400 with about a 2:33 average per split, followed by a 10 minute run. Yes, I'm aware my split times suck and you can do the math to figure out I'm pretty slow, but hey, I'm lapping the folks on the couch (as Fireman likes to remind me). I did have a minor asthma attack, so I now understand why I need to carry my inhaler when I run (the asthma is courtesy of my terribly difficult pregnancy). 

Last night, I did a 5k at about a 10:46 pace. Miles 2 and 3 were slower than mile 1, so I'm glad about that. I was just 16 seconds shy of my best 5k so far and it was really not as hard. I'm thinking that track work out- as hard as it was- really made a difference already. Whether I do another track with 600's remains to be seen- 400's are kicking my butt already. 

This weekend is 3 miles with 1MM. I might push it to 4 for fun, but we'll see. I'm feeling pretty strong and after the week I've had, I need more time to pound pavement. I'm also considering doing a very slow, careful run on the beach as well, just to give my body a break from the streets. Yes, I will carry my inhaler.

As a side note to my training, I did lift 3x this week courtesy of Chalene Extreme (she's pals with Tony Horton of P90X fame and I heart them both). I also threw in some TurboFire (also by Chalene) just to get some interval training in. No, I didn't do the high-impact version- low impact to save my knees! Also, I fell asleep in my in-laws' pool. Probably the best use of my time this week for the whole 10 minutes I snoozed. 

I need to roll tonight on my PVC. Who would've thought PVC would be a great way to roll instead of a foam roller? I'm that tight in my hamstrings, so it's pretty great. Not to mention, my IT band needs all the help it can get. Like Fireman says... I am Mr. Glass (reference to that Unbreakable movie). 

I now run for my best friend CJ. We've been best friends since ninth grade... and she was assaulted this week. She had her neck broken by the guy. Apparently, only 3% of those with her type of break don't die or become paralyzed. The next 3 months are very, very, very important if she's come out being able to walk or not. With 2 babies under 3, she needs to get through this. Before my run tomorrow night with my dad, I'll be taking care of her. I'm going to do her hair and help her feel pretty. As someone who was assaulted too, this is a terrible place to be and I want her to know I'm there for her.

I run for her too. For Superman in heave. For my Hito who can't. I run because I must honor them and be grateful for what I can do. 

Fireman just brought me some mac and cheese (hooray!), so I will attend (and my new issue of Runner's World... love that mag!) to that now. I am pretty confident that if I do well in September, I'm going to definitely do the Melbourne Marathon in February 2013. I'm going to do the half in November for the Space Coast. I can also now take advantage of the coast's great bike rides since I bought a great road bike from Craigs List tonight. Very exciting stuff for my XT for sure.

Until the next run. 

The Awakening

I deleted my past entries on another blog about my running. They ticked me off. How snotty, how foolish, how ignorant I was just a few years ago. I couldn't stand to read what I was then, how simple life was and how I was still complaining about... nothing.

Oh, I ran one day? Wow, give me a medal and a crown for that accomplishment!

Seriously... terrible.

I ran 6.5m yesterday, a long, hot run on the coast with Dad. We left way late (730A) and it was boiling by 8A. The lack of shade didn't help. It was at my estimated HM pace of about 12m/m, as it took about 78m (give or take seconds since I'm not doing math this early). I finished stronger than expected, courtesy of Galloway's walk/run intervals. The lats 1.5 miles were about 45/15 (run/walk). I had to discipline myself to stick to it, but it made a difference in that I didn't drop dead when I finished. Dad was about 1.5-2m behind me, not bad for not prepping for it. My best runs are with him. 78m and not a headphone in the ear once. I wouldn't have done as well if I had been obnoxious and listened to music the whole time.

The changes since those original posts have been huge: marriage, baby, life. The most important part of this blog is based on the idea that my son, my life, my joy, my heart, can't walk at his age. He wants to, I know, but he can't. Poor muscle tone or something undefinable, but no one's fault. I left my job in order to take him to therapy and provide round-the-clock care. No cute first steps, no running around. He just started crawling at 13 months, courtesy of the intense therapy. I was devastated to the point of being numb. I needed an outlet.

I had signed up for the Twilight Zone 10m at Disney (which falls on my birthday). I hadn't really trained for it because I really hated running. I had to have music or something in my ears to distract me from the misery of running. I don't feel like explaining that further... just know I was a poser/poseur for years about running. 

Then, one day in June, I went out for a 30 min run without headphones. I was at my brink of stress for the day and it was a make/break moment for me. I ran. I focused on my breath. I kept track of my intervals. I admired cute kids. And then the 30 minutes was up.

That was when the runner was born.

In that moment, in that run, I now became strangely aware of why runners run. And just like being in a sorority, "From the outside you could never understand, from the inside you could never explain." I just got it, the pleasure, the release, the therapy, the "sweat equity" I was getting from running. I didn't care if I looked sexy or hot while doing it. I just wanted to run.

And then I ran again that week. And again. And then the next week.

Shortly after I began running again, my cousin committed suicide. It was devastating to say the least, since he was about 4 months older than me and has three beautiful babies. It was particularly hard because I had seen him just a week before and we had made plans as a family to get together in the fall and mused about how lovely the future was now that we had kids and could all vacation together. I think about him a lot on my runs, too. 

Galloway is a big hero of mine for his scaleable approach to running. He has some great training plans for the Disney races and I'm following the beginner one for my Twilight Zone Race. I have it laminated on my fridge and have put X's through the runs I've completed. Every run. Every week. Somtimes I'm not exactly MWS or TRS, but I do get at least 3 runs in. I'm doing XT whenever I can sneak away time to bike or swim. I'm really getting into the idea of road biking or doing a sprint tri. I am rejuvenated, reborn. I am an (aspiring) athlete again.

Running in a way has saved my son's life. When I wasn't running, I was miserable, with probably a bad depression lurking just around the corner. I didn't want to live my life like that. I didn't want my son to see me live like that. I wanted to change and that's what I did. After all, I managed to lose close to 50lbs after having him, why not do more?

Most parents take for granted their kid will walk. I don't know when my will, but I want to be ready. I want to be ready to walk with him, then run after him. I don't want to get winded or tell him "Mommy has to sit down, sweetie." I want to be the healthiest parent as possible because I've waited so long to see him run. I want him to know that running is good and beautiful and amazing and all sorts of other wonderful things. But until we can run together, I will run for him. 

So, that's why I started over.


Today's my off day after my long run yesterday. I'm going to relax for sure, do some yoga (love Shiva Rea), and some splashing/stretching later in the pool at the in-laws. Also, the excess PVC pipe from my Dad is amazing for rolling exercises. I might add some foam to it for comfort, but wow, rolling is that good. 

And in case there's a question one day about why I run in salt water, I have come to respect the old adage that salt water can cure anything be it through sweat, tears, or the sea. How sweet it is indeed.

Until Tuesday's run,